A time comes into your life when you finally get it when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and some where the voice inside your head cries out ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
You realize it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are and that is OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you or didn't do for you and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born in the forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them to be.
You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life is truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different that working toward making it happen.
You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it is OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to love life on your own terms.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
This is Rex Barker C.S. (Clean and Soft) saying that finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
Everyone wants to love and be loved. Love is not always easy, but the opposite is loneliness, which is downright miserable at times. Anyone can increase the amount of love in their lives, even if they don't find a special person to marry. Love comes in other forms that can be almost as satisfying as a good marriage. And keep in mind that even loneliness beats being locked into a miserable marriage situation! So, how can you find love in your life?
Love is not primarily something you will get, but something you must give. If you are looking to get love first without giving it, you are likely to be disappointed. It is by "giving first" that you will increase the love in your heart. If you make a practice of loving others, you will probably wake one day and find that you are greatly loved in return.
If you started reading this article because you're looking for that special love of your life, don't stop reading. It's the same in romance, too. It all starts with a giving heart. The man or woman who will be treasured by their spouse some day is the one who has that other person's comfort, happiness, and well-being first and foremost in their mind at all times. Selfishness is the direct opposite of love, and being selfish cannot help but render a person virtually unlovable.
So the first step in finding love is to be selfless. This does not come naturally to any of us. Especially in matters of romantic love, we want our desires to be fulfilled. But think about the golden rule for a moment. What do we want? Do we want our loved one to simply use us to meet their needs without considering ours? Of course not. It is dehumanizing to be used for someone else's purposes with no thought to our own needs.
You can start now to become a selfless person who will be loved by many. Find an outlet for your compassionate side. Do you love animals? Take in a pet from the animal shelter. Do you like children? Teach a Sunday school class or help coach a little league team. During these activities you will have to give of yourself, and you might just run across that special new person in your life, too. One thing's for sure, and that is if you stay cooped up at home feeling sorry for yourself, you won't meet anyone!
Branch out and give of yourself. When you do find that special person you'd like to get to know better, don't rush them when dating. Treat them like royalty. But be honest. Don't try so hard to win their affections that you become a phony. If you do, you will never be able to keep up the act after you win them. The result will be disappointment for both you and your friend. Honesty, giving, and being part of life are all ways that you can find love in your life.